I've had many sexual encounters since I started having sex years ago. Some with complete and total strangers, most with friends. Or friends of friends. Or, people I know from school. You get what I'm trying to say though right? Very few of these encounters have been terrible, and despite some being 1 night stands, I regret none of them. Not even the ones that ended in disaster.
Sex is that all powerful act that brings two strangers together in a night of heated passion, or helps friends take their relationship to the next level. I, personally, love sex. I love everything about it. How messy it is. How disgusting it is. And it really is very disgusting. You're pounding your flesh covered body against someone else. You're sweaty, smelly, and can't always control your drool. Sex is an incredibly intimate and incredibly fun.
Lately though, for me, it's been more hassle than fun.
Take, for example, a friendship I've had since I was a child. I grew up with this guy. I loved him, and had deep feelings for him that neither of us ever acted on. As adults we flirted, we sent those naughty texts back and forth, but because we didn't live in the same town, it was just a simple, fun little thing.
Then we had sex.
It was the culmination of years of lusting after each other. One night together. It was great.
But that's where things got complicated. Every time he'd talk to me, he'd ask for a picture, or videos. And while I would oblige, it started getting out of hand. That's all he wanted from me. I stopped being his friend, and became this object for his sexual pleasure. For a while, it was no big deal. And then, he started wanting pictures from me when he was in relationships. We'd go for months without talking, and then, he'd text me, asking me for a picture.
I eventually got to the point where I was just simply saying no. I loved him, but I couldn't do that for him anymore. And he freaked out. He said he wished we'd never slept together. That our friendship wasn't the same.
He couldn't let that night go.
He's since thrown away more than 10 years of friendship over one night. I haven't talked to him in nearly six months, and my heart breaks over that.
There's the other side of that spectrum though. When yo u have something great going, and awesome "Friends with Benefits" sort of thing. I knew he didn't want a relationship, and I was fine with that. It was sex, and it was a friendship. Sounds good to me. And we were able to seperate the two. I thought so at least.
And then. He comes and tells me that he thinks we shouldn't have sex anymore. Like. Seriously? "I don't want to lead you on."
Bitch! I am a grown ass woman! I am perfectly capable of keeping my feelings separate. I don't feel like I'm being led on. You told me you weren't looking for anything serious from the get go.
Why does sex have to be serious?
It's the friendships I have that we were able to separate sex from, well, love that are the lasting ones. I have one friend, who was a regular hook-up, and we talk all the time. He's one of my closest friends. I adore him and trust him explicitly. He did not make things weird.
Sex does not have to complicate a friendship.
Be adults about it.
And get over yourselves.
